I love that I get credit for the desires of my heart, even when my actions seem to fall short time and time again.
But…
Other times I realize how intimate and vulnerable that thought really is.
It’s what’s in the depth of my soul that matters most, and I have a loving Heavenly Father and a Savior who know everything that I really, truly hold dear to me.
Which means, it’s my desires that I really want to purify the most.
I’m a big believer that when I get my desires in order, my actions always (eventually) follow suit.
I want to find every evidence of murmuring and dread for righteousness and work to weed them out.
The murmuring in my heart when my husband says it’s time to read scriptures, even though I was in the middle of something important.
The murmuring in my heart as I wrangle two kids on a church pew all by myself.
The murmuring in my heart when that person asks for my help, again.
I might not be saying anything out loud.
I still participate in family scriptures, go to church, and serve that friend.
But if my Heavenly Father is looking at my desires, at the deepest thoughts of my soul, then I have some pruning to do.
The Lord warned William McLellin in D&C 75:7:
“I, the Lord, chasten him for the murmurings of his heart”.
It’s what was in his heart that mattered most, and it wasn’t revealing the most Christlike and loving intentions.
And so I’m working on molding the actual desires of my heart, what I really enjoy or despise, deep down, to align with where I know my heart needs to be.
It’s a vulnerable place to be in when I realize this.
But what I really want, what I’m really thinking…
That’s where I’m ready to get to work.
Happy Studying!
-Cali Black
4 Responses
I liked what you said. I am very guilty of this. Serving while murmuring! I eagerly sign up for things to help people out and immediately afterwards oftentimes regret it. I’m too busy, I’m too tired, that’s too much work! And then lo and behold after the service is over I’m happy! I really need to work on this! ????
I think we’re all mostly like that with serving or afraid that my serving won’t be enough. But I noticed while reading your comment that they all (and mine included) started with “I”. I think that is Satan trying to keep us focused on ourselves and not getting to feel the joy of service towards others.
I love this insight! When we focus on ourselves we can lose the joy of service.
<3