Are we always directed?

I was trying to make a decision between two schools.

I had prayed. I had done my research. I had written out pros and cons lists. I had talked with friends.

And I still had no clue which school to pick.

I kept praying.

I started out praying for guidance on which school to pick.

But then I learned that it’s better to have more specific questions, so I tried asking about a specific school, and I still felt nothing.

Why wasn’t I getting the direction I was looking for?

I spent all summer spending way too long, delaying the final decision until the final deadline.

I picked a school.

I prayed for confirmation. And still, I felt no warm confirming feeling.
And yet I went to school.

And it turned into a beautiful experience that was perfect with me, led me to amazing friends, and gave me great academic opportunities.

So why hadn’t I been directed?

I have had countless times when I have felt guided and directed by Heavenly Father in decisions I have made.

But I’ve also had a few of these experiences, where I look to Heaven and don’t hear anything.

And I’ve come to learn that being directed in 100% of my actions would remove the need for agency.

If I prayed every time I needed to make a decision and I got an answer, my faith would be unnecessary.

Heavenly Father knew that I needed to own my school decision 100%.

And He trusted ME to make that decision all on my own.

He trusted me to study, ask, ponder, research, contemplate, and then decide. All by myself.

He probably was so proud that I did all of that hard work, and eventually made a fantastic decision.

But I’ve also learned that I can make decisions a lot faster than that long summer where the options weighed over my head.

That was actually how the Lord directed me.

He was teaching me a valuable lesson that summer. He knew I would figure out the school predicament. But He knew I would need to learn the skill of making decisions quickly and with confidence by suffering through the painstaking opposite.

And so even when I didn’t think He was directing me, He was directing me for the greater good by allowing me to teach myself the lesson I had no clue I was learning.

He is there. He is listening.

Sometimes He needs to intervene and tell us what to do. Sometimes He wants to give us a nudge in the right direction.

And sometimes, He wants us to learn that we can trust ourselves and still learn the lessons He has directed for us.

Happy Studying!

-Cali Black