I remember when I was in 4th grade, I saw what size jacket my friend was wearing, and I called her “fat.”
My friend stopped talking to me.
She hung out with new people at lunch and recess for a few days. For a kid in elementary school, that’s pretty much your whole social life, so it was a big deal.
I felt really badly about what I had done, but I also didn’t know what to do about it. Talking to my friend now seemed like something that would never happen again.
Well, my mom found out what happened.
I remember having a little conversation with her about it. We talked about how I hadn’t been kind, and I told her things just seemed awkward with my friend now.
So my mom made me write an apology letter, and we walked over to this friend’s house with my letter and a treat in my hand.
When my friend answered the door, I remember thinking how awkward and painful the whole situation was. I felt this pressure in my chest.
I handed her the letter and treat, said that I was sorry, and then my mom and I walked back home.
The next day at school? Everything was back to normal.
The weight of shame and awkwardness and pain was gone!
That was distinctly the first time I remember the freeing power of repentance.
After my sin, I had felt that weight of guilt. To little 10-year-old me, that was embodied in the awkward squirmy feeling that I felt during the school day.
And it was amplified by a million when my mom made me actually face my friend and apologize. It felt uncomfortable to face someone that I had wronged and to admit that I was wrong.
But that freeing feeling afterwards?! THAT was worth it.
I learned it was worth wading through the messy feelings in order to find peace in my conscience.
And I’ve felt that over and over again as I’ve matured and worked through my relationship with my Savior.
That weight of guilt when I sin is so heavy.
And I know that it’s going to get even heavier when I go to repent. The pressure gets even higher because I’m actually facing what I did wrong.
But once I face that pressure, and give my soul over to my Savior, I feel that instant release.
The weight is gone.
And my soul feels the pain no more.
Happy Studying!
-Cali Black
7 Responses
Cali, I’m uneasy with this illustration and puzzled. You brought her a TREAT? Why??? The girl was fat. You rewarded her? Apparently she felt judged and criticized. There’s the lesson in my opinion. She may have needed to feel safe, not flattered. She reflected back to you your and her needs for friendship, possibly? Food and looks can be superficial.
Hmmmm I’m a little confused by your comment. This is a story of me learning how to repent when I sinned. I saw the size on my friend’s jacket and made a rude comment to her. I was 100% in the wrong. As a 4th grader, when my Mom asked me what I thought I should give my friend to make it all better, writing a note and delivering her favorite treat seemed like the kindest thing I could do in order to show her how sorry I was. I wasn’t “rewarding” her for anything – in fact, suggesting that I incorrectly “rewarded” her implies that I needed to punish her for having any amount of fat on her body, which I certainly hope that no one does. I didn’t “flatter” her. I just apologized for the rude comment that I had made. We stayed absolutely best friends for years to come and even attended BYU together.
For what it’s worth, although I don’t think it should matter, my friend and I have virtually always had the same exact body type. I made this comment based on the size of her jacket alone, because it was larger than the size I wore.
Hopefully that clears up some context for this story!
What a beautiful example of repentance!
At 10 years old, it would have been hard to know the best thing to do.
With a wise and loving mother, you did the right thing!
Thank you for that great example!
Hi Cali! I enjoy your study helps and I have shared your website with my siblings, so they can use them with their families. We love you!
I can relate to your memory as a fourth grader. I feel that you had the weight of guilt on your chest, because you had hurt someone very close to you. The two of you were friends and regardless of any name you called her, she was hurt.
If you take a step back and look at the role your mom played, she is a large piece to your story as well. When we pray to our Heavenly Father for guidance he is there for us, much like your mom was there for you.
Your apology freed you from the guilt that you were feeling, and also amended your relationship with your friend. You not only felt better, but so did she. That is part of repentance. Righting our wrongs and trying harder. You learned a valuable lesson at a young age. You have a great mom too!
Thanks for sharing!
Thank you so much for your comment. And I agree, my mom played a huge positive role in shaping how this memory played out!
Hey Cali,
Thanks for you stories, these are great. I loved the metaphor in this story of your friend and the coat. I get really scared it misunderstandings and what not with people, and it helped me to understand the pressure I feel and his wading through it to fix things is much better. As well as doing the same thing with repentance.
I like how you have responded to comments and things as well, you have done a good job. Nice work and thanks. ????
I appreciate that 🙂 Thank you!