For the longest time while growing up, I wondered what “the atonement” really was.

I mean, I had heard all the lessons and talks on it and what it meant, but I felt so confused that what it actually was.

I think it was my “General Conference” question for like four years straight.

My question was slowly answered in me becoming less concerned with what my Savior’s atoning sacrifice looked like, and instead what it meant to me personally.

But I also have grown a great love for this scripture in the Doctrine and Covenants because it gives us the only first-person account of the Savior’s atoning sacrifice.

This is Jesus describing what it was like for Him to atone for the sins of all mankind.

“Which suffering caused myself,

even God,

the greatest of all,

to tremble because of pain,

and to bleed at every pore,

and to suffer both body and spirit—

and would that I might not drink the bitter cup, and shrink” – D&C 19:18

God the Son trembled because of pain and bled at every pore.

But the last line of that scripture is one of the most powerful lessons to me.

Because the Savior of the world, faced with a truly painful and unpleasant task…

Asked to NOT have to face it.

In the moment, He did not want to drink the extremely bitter cup that was placed before Him.

It is okay to ask.

It is okay to ask for our pains and sorrows to be taken away.

It is okay to ask for trials to end.

It is okay to ask for miracles.

But then, our Perfect Example said:

“Nevertheless, glory be to the Father”.

God’s will be done.

We can ask for what we want, while also submitting to the Father’s will if it is different than ours.

Christ did difficult things.

And because He willingly went through with an excruciatingly painful act, my life has been completely changed.

I’ve learned that it’s okay to not always love whatever life throws at me.

I can wish and pray that it was different.

But ultimately, I have found the most peace when I give the glory to my Father no matter the circumstances.

And that when I do hard things, the greatest blessings await on the other side.

Happy Studying!

-Cali Black

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11 Responses

  1. Cali, I want to let you know how much I love your comments. Each week I look for them as I seek to learn and understand more deeply what I am reading. Thank You for sharing

  2. I want to thank you for your “regular” person insights. The ideas that you share ring true without being overwhelming or intimidating so when I use the term regular, I mean it in the most respectful way. I love your insights on the Atonement because I too have spent a life time trying to get a hold on it. I didn’t realize until my study this week that this Section in the Doc and Covs is the only 1st person account of the Atonement and I have come to appreciate the circumstances of this telling. It is personal and intimate and utterly heartbreaking while at the same time it is so hopeful.

    1. Thank you! I love being a “regular” person and bringing “regular” insight to everyone. The scriptures are for all of us, and I’m hoping everyone can relate them to their individual lives.

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