Liberal wisdom in small steps

What does “the atonement” really mean?

This was a question that I asked myself over and over again a few years ago.

Every General Conference where I knew I needed to have a question in mind, every sacrament meeting, every Fast Sunday…

I just felt so confused by this event that everyone in the church seemed to talk about over and over without much explanation.

And yet every time I asked the question, I didn’t feel like I was getting much of an answer.

I didn’t feel like God was giving me wisdom liberally in response to my asking.

And then one Sunday, I was asked to share my thoughts on “the atonement” for a few minutes in a church lesson.

I felt like this was a little ironic, as I wished I could have heard from other people on this topic, but I jotted down some notes to get my thoughts in order prior to class.

And suddenly, I realized how much clarity I had gained, little by little.

Even though I felt like I hadn’t received any wisdom, I recognized that I had learned to always refer to the event in reference to the Savior (“the Savior’s atoning sacrifice”).

I knew what His atoning sacrifice meant for me.

I knew when I had repented, His atoning sacrifice was what made that possible.

I knew it wasn’t necessary to know the details of what the Savior’s sacrifice looked like in the moment.

I had been given such wisdom about the Savior’s atoning sacrifice, and I didn’t even realize it because it didn’t all come at once.

I keep thinking about Joseph right after the First Vision.

While we look back at that event as the start of a very large stone that now fills the whole earth, Joseph likely saw it as a small step.

He had asked about the state of his soul, and which church to join.

He was told that he was forgiven and that he should not join any of them.

But he wasn’t given any further instruction in that moment.

He had no clue about the Book of Mormon. No clue that he would organize an entirely new church. No clue that he would help restore ancient ordinances and covenants. No clue that he would change the world.

Because sometimes, receiving liberal amounts of wisdom from God looks like tiny baby steps in the moment.