I haven’t had my husband sit by us at church for the past 4.5 years due to his callings.
With a 6, 4, and 1 year old, this also means that I’ve had to deal with infants and toddlers and all the chaos that comes from trying to get little kids to sit still for an hour, all by myself.
I’m really really really good at feeling sorry for myself.
In fact, despite AMAZING ward members, friends, and teens coming to sit by me to help with the kids, for a long time I would always shed at least a tear or two thinking about just how dang hard this is.
Other people would talk about the amazing Spirit they felt in sacrament meeting, or how they are improving their worship during the sacrament.
And I’d always laugh.
“We are just in survival mode. I’m not going to enjoy sacrament meetings right now.”
You know how sometimes you just need some tough love?
I finally got the tough love I needed from the Lord about a year ago as I sat, feeling very sorry for myself.
“Stop thinking you have it worse than everyone else. And start focusing on why you are here.
“You can still find joy.”
Woah.
Exactly what I needed.
Joy.
It is not the absence of hard things.
It is focusing on the Savior, even when enduring hard things.
I’ve learned since then that I can handle kids during sacrament meeting and be miserable OR I can handle kids and still feel pure joy.
“My dear brothers and sisters, the joy we feel has little to do with the circumstances of our lives and everything to do with the focus of our lives.” – Russell M. Nelson
Come to my ward any Sunday, and you’ll still see me with some kids who really struggle in a quiet church environment (along with so many others who are willing to help).
But you’ll also see me feeling joy and praise and worship in the moments where I am able to.
It’s so tempting to want to wait for a future time to feel JOY.
But I have learned over and over that God doesn’t want us to delay joy.
And He’s so willing to help us figure out how to endure AND feel joy if we are willing to ask.
“Adam fell that men might be; and men are, that they might have joy.” (2 Nephi 2:25)
Happy Studying!
-Cali Black
11 Responses
I also tend to get a reminder from the lord when I feel sorry for myself in parenting that I prayed for this, I asked for a baby and I was blessed with one…so that helps me.
Thanks for sharing! <3
Great message. It is good to see the words of our prophet become meaningful in real life!
<3
I completely understand! M husband hasn’t sat with our family for more than about 5 years all combined since we were married (almost 25 years). Most of my seven kids don’t remember ever sitting with their dad at church. It is definitely a choice to find joy and rely on the help others are willing to give. I definitely had my own many Sundays crying in the bathroom or even weeping through a good bit of sacrament meant. My kids are getting older, and I’m getting better at recognizing blessings and finding joy—two steps forward and one step back. Thanks for the reminder to choose Jesus and choose joy!
Oh my goodness! You are amazing.
Personally, I found it easier when my husband didn’t sit with us, due to his calling, when our 4 children were young. He was always louder shushing them than they ever were. 🤦
My husband became inactive when we had four small ones and then five. Then sometimes he left me without a car, so we walked to church. Before the fifth was 1 year old, he moved out. Oh, the horror stories I could tell of sitting alone with 5 little ones and later teenagers!
Wow, you are incredible for still making it to church through all of that!
When you mentioned that seating alone with your children while your husband I think he is in the bishopric, that should be I think a joyful moments for you if you think purely and invite the spirit of the lord to attend you and the children. Secondly, I am not sure how many children you have, talk about this to your husband and get his views about what he can do with you, during and before sacrament meeting that will give you the spirit to maintain the children so that they have spiritual experiences. Let some of the kids go up on the stage with your husband.
Thank you for the advice! <3