I was in high school.

And someone told me about what someone else was saying.

And boy, did that make me mad.

Why was she saying bad things about me that weren’t even true?!

I started telling everyone about how rude she was.

How unfair she was.

How she didn’t understand my side of things.

Then, one day, it clicked.

I was now talking about HER behind her back!

When it was all said and done, this acquaintance said one poor thing about me to a handful of people.

And yet, I spent weeks saying poor things about this person to even more people.

The Lord taught Thomas B. Marsh some personal lessons.

Including that he should “. . . revile not against those that revile.”(D&C 31:9)

“Revile” means to criticize in an angry or abusive way.

Someone yelling at me, being rude to me, leaving me out, or criticizing me may hurt when it happens.

But it doesn’t mean that I yell, criticize, become rude, or intentionally leave others out in return.

I’ve been on a lifelong journey to try to control my emotions maturely, just as the Lord taught Thomas in this verse.

Instead, I try to focus on living the second great commandment:

Loving my neighbor as myself, completely independent of other people’s actions.

“We move toward loving our adversaries when we avoid anger and hostility toward those with whom we disagree.” – Pres Oaks

Happy Studying!

-Cali Black

The post Behind my back first appeared on Come Follow Me Study with Cali Black.

I’m not going to lie, this has always been a struggle for me. 

Sometimes we like to excuse ourselves that if it’s true, then it’s not gossip.

Buuuuut I think we all know a little better than that, deep down.

Plus, let’s be honest, most conversations start with “the truth” and then turn into some judgmental comments or backhanded criticism. ⁣

I have found it is much more uplifting to just make new, fun memories with friends instead!

To share our real current joys and struggles, to bond together, to create strong, positive memories. ⁣

Or as Peter put so wisely put it:

“For he that will love life, and see good days, let him refrain his tongue from evil, and his lips that they speak no guile”. (1 Peter 3:10)

(By the way, “guile” means dishonesty, deceit or fraud. In case anyone needed a refresher…)

But can we also reflect for a second about how we speak to ourselves?⁣

What do we say to ourselves first thing in the morning? When we look in the mirror? When we eat a cookie? When we yell? When we put on another TV show?⁣

Are we speaking with evil and guile towards ourselves? ⁣

Peter promises that we can grow to love life and have good days when we get rid of the guile in our conversation, and I think this can totally apply to ourselves.

I LOVE LIFE and have GOOD DAYS when I stop deceitfully thinking that my life is only filled with tough stuff.

I LOVE LIFE and have GOOD DAYS when I stop worrying about what I see in the mirror and instead focus on what my body can do. ⁣

I LOVE LIFE and have GOOD DAYS when I create a positive conversation with myself. I give myself a break. I am kind to myself. I forgive myself. ⁣

When we examine our conversations with other people, it is easy to see how refraining from evil and guile can create happier and more meaningful connections. ⁣

But I think we can improve that happiness even more when we examine our inner conversations and remove the degrading thoughts that the devil would love to derail us with. ⁣

And we can slowly find ways to love life and have more “good days”.

Happy Studying!

-Cali Black

The post Love life and have good days first appeared on Come Follow Me Study with Cali Black.

And boy, did that make me mad.

I started telling this story of someone gossiping about me over and over to all of my friends.

I told them how rude she was being, how unfair, how she didn’t understand my side of things…

Until it clicked one day that I was now the one talking about HER behind her back all the time!

When it was all said and done, I think this acquaintance said one poor thing about me to a handful of people.

And yet, I spent weeks saying poor things about this person to even more people.

In Doctrine and Covenants 31:9, the Lord is teaching Thomas B. Marsh some personal lessons.

Thomas is told to “revile not against those that revile”.

“Revile” means to criticize in an angry or abusive way.

In other words, don’t criticize the people who are criticizing you.

I’ve been on a lifelong journey to try to control my emotions in a mature way, just as Thomas was taught in this verse.

Someone yelling at me, being rude to me, leaving me out, criticizing me… it may hurt when it happens.

And it means that I probably am not going to hang out around them very much in the future.

We can set boundaries.

That girl in high school never became my good friend.

But it doesn’t mean that I yell, criticize, become rude, or intentionally leave others out in return.

Instead, I focus on living the second great commandment and loving my neighbor as myself, completely regardless of other people’s actions.

The world has enough people who revile, and who feel justified in their reviling.

So I’m going to choose love.

Happy Studying!

-Cali Black

The post Reviling against reviling first appeared on Come Follow Me Study with Cali Black.

You know, when someone says something like, “And she never even said anything about it! So rude!”

And you instinctively want to say, “Oh yeah! Crazy!” or something.

I didn’t like that feeling that came after I “kept the peace” in the moment, while sacrificing my integrity.

And so I committed to just not say anything in return. (Unless I felt strongly that I needed to speak up.)

But then, the very next day after making this big commitment, I found myself in a conversation with a coworker where I was just agreeing with some negative things they were saying.

I felt so disappointed when the conversation ended.

Because I had completely forgotten in the moment what I previously had felt such a strong conviction for.

Remembering is strangely difficult, right?!

It took me weeks and weeks and months and months before I made progress on remembering.

And now, it’s pretty natural to me. I remember it virtually every time.

We promise our Heavenly Father that we will always remember His Son.

We KNOW so much about Jesus. We learn of him all the time.

And yet, it can be so weirdly difficult to ALWAYS REMEMBER him throughout the week.

I even feel myself moving along a continuum. Some days, I think very often of my Savior, and my heart is humbled in constant prayer.

But other times, I’m just doing so many things, that I honestly forget to remember him all of the time.

And it feels a little weird to say that – but I’m guessing that since promising, yet again, to always remember the Savior is a part of our weekly sacrament prayers, I’m probably not alone in this.

Remembering is weirdly difficult, despite how much we know about a topic, or even how committed we feel to “remember”.

The only thing I’ve learned that helps?

Practice.

And a lot of prayer.

And slowly, we’ll build up how quickly and how often we can remember.

Happy Studying!

-Cali Black

The post Trying to remember first appeared on Come Follow Me Study with Cali Black.