I had been called as the Ward Activities Co-Chair in our singles ward at BYU.⁣

For the month of November, my co-chair and I had planned a big Friends-giving Feast for the entire ward in our church building. ⁣

I was in charge of decorations and costumes for the party, and I had planned to make over 100 paper hats for everyone to wear as they arrived. ⁣

As the party day arrived, my committee members were suddenly all too busy to help me cut out, glue, and tape these hats out of construction paper. ⁣

Kyle and I hadn’t been dating for super long at this point, but I thought I’d see if he could help me out. ⁣

I ran over to his apartment with stacks of construction paper, a few samples, and he immediately set aside whatever homework he was doing to help me out. ⁣

I asked him to do whatever he could, and that I’d be back once I took care of a few other things. ⁣

A couple hours later, I got a text that they were all done. ⁣

It was a big enough task that I knew it had taken him quite a bit of sacrifice to do. He wasn’t just casually trying to be nice to me; he really cared. ⁣

The ward party was a smashing success. 

But ever since that day, my husband has shown nothing but kindness and love and respect for me when I rope him into doing whatever random project, party, or huge activity I end up being in charge of. ⁣

When I was reading The Family: A Proclamation to the World, I read a sentence I know I’ve read many times before, but I took off the last 4 words of it and found completely new meaning. ⁣

“Husband and wife have a solemn responsibility to love and care for each other”. ⁣

If you are married, it’s a solemn responsibility that we have to actively love and care for our spouses. ⁣

As life gets even busier and busier than when we were both college students, it gets even easier to let that intentional loving and caring slip by. ⁣

Marriage is so important. And our spouses deserve our best, not our leftovers. ⁣

And so focusing on loving and caring for our spouses, even when life is busy and messy, will show God that we understand the sanctity of marriage.

Happy Studying!

-Cali Black

The post I knew I’d marry him  first appeared on Come Follow Me Study with Cali Black.

She knew that Kyle and I had been talking about getting engaged, and so she wanted to give me one piece of advice before we made that decision:

“Make sure you see Kyle get super stressed or angry about something, see how he responds to that pressure, and then make sure you are okay with his response.”

It was great advice, because admittedly, we had been kind of living a fairytale dating experience.

Yeah, we had seen each other deal with the minor stresses that came from college classes or everyday work situations, but we hadn’t seen how each of us responded to really big pressures yet.

But finally, the opportunity presented itself.

(Kyle— I’m so sorry if I unknowingly wished the big trial into existence for my own selfish purposes.  Haha!)

I saw how Kyle dealt with a huge, frustrating setback, one that took a hit on his ego.

And… I was totally cool with how he responded.

I saw how he worked through problems, how he handled big emotions, and how I could support him through tough times.

It was a great little confirmation that he would make a great choice for me as a spouse.

And I’m still happy with my decision all these years later, thank goodness! <3

When we read about Joseph’s reaction to seeing all of his brothers again after all these years, it can be difficult to figure out why he does what he does:

He accuses them of being spies, imprisons one brother, frames another, makes dramatic demands, and doesn’t want to give away who he truly is.

But to me, it looks like Joseph is just trying to see who his brothers really are after all these years.

Did they care at all about what they had done to Joseph? Had they repented? Did they love Benjamin? How were they treating his father?

A great way to find out who someone truly is, is to see how they respond to stress or pressure.

(For the record, I’m NOT advocating you go and create difficult times for everyone in your life in order to determine where their hearts are!)

But… isn’t that what God basically does to us?

He lovingly and all-knowingly gives us tough times and trials and weaknesses and pains so that we can prove to Him, and to ourselves, what truly matters most to our hearts.

Who do we choose, even when times are tough?

Happy Studying!

-Cali Black

The post  Pressure on our hearts first appeared on Come Follow Me Study with Cali Black.

I had been called as the Ward Activities Co-Chair in our singles ward at BYU.

For the month of November, my co-chair and I had planned a big Friends-giving Feast for the entire ward in our church building.

I was in charge of decorations and costumes for the party, and I had planned to make over 100 paper hats for everyone to wear as they arrived.

As the party day arrived, my committee members were suddenly all too busy to help me cut out, glue, and tape these hats out of construction paper.

Kyle and I hadn’t been dating for super long at this point, but I thought I’d see if he could help me out.

I ran over to his apartment with stacks of construction paper, a few samples, and he immediately set aside whatever homework he was doing to help me out.

I asked him to do whatever he could, and that I’d be back once I took care of a few other things.

A couple hours later, I got a text that they were all done.

It was a big enough task that I knew it had taken him quite a bit of sacrifice to do. He wasn’t just casually trying to be nice to me; he really cared.

The ward party was a smashing success.

But ever since that day, my husband has shown nothing but kindness and love and respect for me when I rope him into doing whatever random project, party, or huge activity I end up being in charge of.

When I was reading The Family: A Proclamation to the World, I read a sentence I know I’ve read many times before, but I took off the last 4 words of it and found completely new meaning.

“Husband and wife have a solemn responsibility to love and care for each other”.

If you are married, it’s a solemn responsibility that we have to actively love and care for our spouses.

As life gets even busier and busier than when we were both college students, it gets even easier to let that intentional loving and caring slip by.

Marriage is so important. And our spouses deserve our best, not our leftovers.

And so focusing on loving and caring for our spouses, even when life is busy and messy, will show God that we understand the sanctity of marriage.

Happy Studying!

-Cali Black

The post The moment I knew first appeared on Come Follow Me Study with Cali Black.

They have different jobs and roles to fulfill, but they are united in Their purpose. 

And that’s what makes this whole eternal salvation thing possible. 

We have One who is the loving Father of our spirits, we have One who atoned for our sins and showed the example, and we have One who carries messages to our heart and mind. 

Same purpose. Different jobs.

What a beautiful pattern for us to follow here on earth!

In our ward families, in our jobs, in many organizations, this is a great pattern – to focus on the unity of purpose while fulfilling different jobs.

But my favorite example of this is in marriage. 

It’s super easy to build up resentment in marriage. 

Resentment because it’s pretty impossible for two people to do exactly the same things all of the time and have a functioning household or life. 

Things are unfair all the time. 

I remember right after we got married, Kyle and I were both coming home from long days at work/school, and he asked me, “What do you have planned for dinner tonight?” My response was, “What do YOU have planned for dinner tonight?”

We hadn’t communicated yet about who would be in charge of dinners, and I certainly wasn’t going to bring on the resentment of trying to do a task I secretly despise. 

But then we talked about it. We figured it out. And it’s changed over the years as our lives have changed.

(For what it’s worth, he 100% plans all of our dinners right now and just tells me where to find the recipe. He’s the best. It’s also his birthday today, so wish him a Happy Birthday below!)

But that’s the beauty about unity. We can be united in our purpose and find different ways to get the messy jobs of life done. 

It’s not “fair”. It will never be “fair” if we are keeping score. 

“Different” doesn’t have to come with rankings. And “different” can change all of the time. Different is okay, and in fact, necessary. 

But with communication, love, and respect, we can find peace in the different job titles that we currently wear.

Happy Studying!

-Cali Black

The post Fighting resentment in marriage first appeared on Come Follow Me Study with Cali Black.

But I am so grateful for the few glimpses we get into how Lehi and Sariah interacted.

We have the famous account of Sariah complaining and murmuring that her sons were probably killed in the wilderness, and that she can’t believe she trusted her “visionary” husband.

Tons of lessons can be and have been taught about this account of Sariah. 

But I want to look at the little glimpse of interaction between Sariah and Lehi AFTER the complaining and BEFORE their sons return.  

Sariah complains. She complains that her sons are gone, and probably dead. She starts to put the blame on her husband and his visions. 

She’s clearly not in a good place. And honestly, for very understandable reasons. No shade being thrown to Sariah. I have complained and put blame on my husband for MUCH less offences than leaving our home and losing my children in the wilderness. 

But how does Lehi react?

He reaffirms the truth of the “visions” he has had…

And then he COMFORTS her. 

How beautiful. 

Lehi doesn’t try to call her out. He doesn’t turn around and put the blame on her. He doesn’t say, “You should probably pray harder about this”. 

He just comforts his grieving and frustrated wife. 

What an example of grace and pure love.

Sometimes in marriage, it becomes easy to point fingers. To tell your spouse exactly what they are doing wrong in detailed note form, with backup sources. 

But often, what we all need is just comfort.

To know that we are loved and cared for, no matter what our weaknesses are in the moment. 

Shoutout to my fantastic husband who is literally the perfect example of just loving and comforting me, even when I’m clearly in the wrong or dealing with some major shortcomings. Pregnancy ain’t easy on me (not that it’s easy for many people!) and one of his biggest strengths is his ability to COMFORT without any judgement. 

Marriages really are composed of two imperfect people. But how we react to our spouse’s imperfections makes a big difference. Do we chasten and correct more often, or do we just comfort and love? 

What a great pattern Lehi and Sariah give us to follow!

Happy Studying!

-Cali Black

Artwork by Joseph Brickey

The post When your spouse is WRONG first appeared on Come Follow Me Study with Cali Black.