All for my good

I’m 35 weeks pregnant, and I’ve got lots to complain about!

But I’ve also got even more things to be grateful and joyful about!

I see this dichotomy going on inside myself:

So grateful for this chance to bring a third baby into the world when so many who long for this never get the opportunity.

Excited to have a little girl join our family who I know will add more dimension and joy.

Happy that my body has been able to stay fairly healthy thus far and that I’m still able to handle the bare necessities of my other responsibilities.

And then contrast all those feelings with…

Utter exhaustion. Having a shorter amount of patience with my two kids. Frustration that I’m not able to do everything I want to do. Pain. So much physical pain right now. Panic that I have so much to do before she comes. Fear that I’m not going to be able to handle three kids once she does come.

Just the other day, I sat down, exhausted, with my kids climbing all over me. One was asking for snacks, the other was crying for some reason I couldn’t figure out, they both ended up fighting over a toy, and then someone stubbed their toe and became inconsolable.

“Why?!” I pleaded in my mind, not specifically aimed at God, but I guess aimed at God.

“Why can’t you just give me a break? I need it so desperately! You know that!”

I had a cool answer come to my mind that made me laugh and not take the situation so seriously— it was EXACTLY what I needed to reframe my situation.

But I don’t think I’m alone in these two general feelings.

Sometimes, I’m like Joseph of Egypt, who could clearly see his trials for what they were:

“God meant it unto good”. (Genesis 50:20)

And other days, I’m more like Joseph’s brothers who blamed God for every poor circumstance they found themselves in:

“What is this that God hath done unto us?” (Genesis 42:28)

I think I’m going to give myself grace for the days that I feel like Joseph’s brothers.

I’m gonna pray a lot more, because boy, does God like to answer prayers in exactly the way I need them answered.

And I hope I can get better at sticking with Joseph of Egypt’s humble mindset.

It’s all for my good!

Happy Studying!

-Cali Black