Casting out fear

There have been a lot of opportunities for me to feel fear this year.

It’s still weird to me that I gave birth this year.

Going into labor can be scary.

Having severe abdominal attacks a few months later can be scary.

Going in for emergency surgery without anyone allowed to be with you can be scary.

An unexpected 3-day hospital stay while your breastfed infant is at home can be scary.

Handing your little baby over to be put under anesthesia for an MRI can be scary.

Scheduling an appointment with a pediatric specialist can be scary.

Thinking of your baby’s different future can be scary.

And add that on top of what everyone else has also experienced, with general health scares, political unrest, and social issues…

When I write it all down, it seems bad. Truly frightening.

But can I be honest?

While the opportunities for fear have surrounded me, I feel like I’ve had a pretty peaceful year.

It’s been a year of stretching and growth. A year of new perspectives and refined priorities.

But not a year of fear.

To be clear, I don’t say that with a sense of pride or superiority.

In fact, I am well aware that this is a special spiritual gift that I have, and I have been specifically told that.

But those few moments when I have felt that fear start to creep up, in that moment where I sat in a waiting room by myself as they carried my baby away, I turned to my Father in Heaven.

In humility, in meekness. In love.

Loving my Heavenly Father is what cast out those little inklings of fear.

Loving my Savior is what transformed my fear to peace and confidence.

I’m not perfect at it, but when I have been in my most desperate times, I have had moments of pure and perfect love. Pure and perfect devotion to the Divine.

And I have found for myself that these moments of true, pure, perfect love for Heaven have cast out my fear.

Happy Studying!

-Cali Black