I’m working on feeling comfortable feeling guilty.
That sounds kinda weird, right?!
But as an imperfect person, I make mistakes and commit sins pretty regularly.
Alma taught his son Corianton, “let your sins trouble you, with that trouble which shall bring you down unto repentance.” (Alma 42:29)
Guilt is a GIFT.
Because it tells us, like physical pain, that we need to change.
It leads us to repentance.
Because, on the other hand, when we ignore or suppress guilt, when we try to keep it a secret even from ourselves, we turn those not-so-amazing feelings of guilt into SHAME.
Recently, I had the thought to text a friend and check up on her.
But I didn’t follow through on that prompting.
And I felt guilty.
But I tried to push that guilt aside and just ignore it.
I wasn’t even rationalizing my way out of the prompting – I was just ignoring it.
And it felt terrible.
The thoughts would come up to text the friend again, and I would feel all this shame for not following through on it the first time around. “Ugh, I’m just terrible at following promptings!” And I would push that feeling down again.
And I didn’t even do this consciously, because I know this guilt vs. shame concept very well.
But I couldn’t stop the cycle in myself.
Until, finally, clarity. (Thank GOODNESS for a patient and loving God.)
I finally allowed myself to feel guilty about not texting my friend.
It was not comfortable, but this time, it pushed me toward change.
I offered a quick prayer. And then I texted my friend.
Boom.
Bad feelings gone, and I had improved.
Shame keeps us victims of that same sin over and over again.
And guilt moves us to repentance and change.
I am so grateful for guilt.
Happy Studying!
-Cali Black
5 Responses
I’ve been aware of the shame vs. guilt thing for a while, but I liked how you said that shame keeps us being a victim (I hate victims!) and guilt moves us to repent and change. I want to now embrace guilt and not procrastinate my repentance! Thanks for all your great thoughts! ????
I think it’s such a great way to look at the two! And I’m working on staying out of shame as much as possible, too. Thanks!
These last few weeks, as I have been studying in Alma, especially the chapters were Alma is talking to his son Corianton, and your comments and snippets, they have been so in tune with what I am going through right now with my own son. He is not an active member of the church, and has made some very bad choices that may lead him to end up in prison. It’s painful to see your children make these kind of choices. My Hope and my prayer for him is that his guilt will lead him to a broken heart and to seek out God once again. Thank you for your timely and uplifting messages
Isn’t that cool how the scriptures are so applicable to all lives? I wish you the best as you love your son, and that you can continue to feel the Spirit! <3
I like that you prayed first before you sent the text.
Read 2 Nephi 32: 9 (8-9)
Bill