“Make sure you see Kyle get super stressed or angry about something.

“See how he responds to that pressure, and then make sure you are okay with his response.”⁣

It was great advice, because admittedly, we had been kind of living a fairytale dating experience.⁣

Yeah, we had seen each other deal with minor stresses, but we hadn’t seen how each of us responded to really big pressures yet. ⁣

But finally, the opportunity presented itself.⁣

(Kyle— I’m so sorry if I unknowingly wished the big trial into existence for my own selfish purposes.)

I saw how Kyle dealt with a huge, frustrating setback, one that took a hit on his ego.⁣

And… I was totally cool with how he responded. ⁣

I saw how he worked through problems, how he handled big emotions, and how I could support him through tough times.

It was a great little confirmation that he would make a great choice for me as a spouse. ⁣

And I’m still happy with my decision all these years later!

When we read about Joseph’s reaction to seeing all of his brothers again after all these years, it can be difficult to figure out why he does what he does: ⁣

He accuses them of being spies, imprisons one brother, frames another, makes dramatic demands, and doesn’t want to give away who he truly is. ⁣

But to me, it looks like Joseph is just trying to see who his brothers really are after all these years. ⁣

Did they care at all about what they had done to Joseph? Had they repented? Did they love Benjamin? How were they treating his father? ⁣

A great way to find out someone’s character is to see how they respond to stress or pressure. ⁣

Because… isn’t that what God basically does to us?⁣

He lovingly and all-knowingly gives us, or allows us to experience, tough times and trials and weaknesses and pains so that we can prove to Him, and to ourselves, what truly matters most to our hearts. ⁣

Who do we choose, ESPECIALLY when times are tough?

Happy Studying!

-Cali Black

The post Great dating advice!  first appeared on Come Follow Me Study with Cali Black.

How does this emotion play a role in your life? ⁣

Elder Uchtdorf taught: ⁣

“When someone opposes or disagrees with us, it’s tempting to assume that there must be something wrong with them. And from there it’s a small step to attach the worst of motives to their words and actions…⁣

“When we do so with anger or hate in our hearts—when we lash out at others to hurt, shame, or silence them —chances are we are not doing so in righteousness.”⁣

In Nephi’s record, he refers to ANGER quite often. ⁣

Usually, his brothers are angry at Nephi for their circumstances. ⁣

Other times, his brothers are angry because they have been rebuked. ⁣

And yet, even when Nephi was tied up and in dire situations, he never felt anger toward his brothers. ⁣

Do we attach “good intentions” to our actions while automatically assuming everyone else who disagrees with us is motivated by hate or selfishness?⁣

That’s what brews anger. ⁣

Or do we recognize that our own discipleship has pretty much nothing to do with the actions of people around us – that we have been commanded to love our enemies?⁣

In Nephi’s tender lamentation, he mourns that he feels anger because of Satan’s hold in his life. ⁣

“And why should I yield to sin, because of my flesh? Yea, why should I give way to temptations, that the evil one have place in my heart to destroy my peace and afflict my soul? Why am I angry because of mine enemy?” (2 Nephi 4:27)

Anger at ourselves for our sins is a fruitless endeavor, too. ⁣

We can’t hate ourselves into righteousness, and Nephi recognized his own tendencies to feel anger because of his sins and temptations. ⁣

Nephi knew that eliminating anger in his life meant always showing love to his brothers, but also finding peace within his own mind. ⁣

Love for our enemies, and love for ourselves.

Happy Studying!

-Cali Black

The post Feeling anger  first appeared on Come Follow Me Study with Cali Black.

There are seven blind mice who each try to figure out what the large object in front of them is.

One feels the feet and thinks it’s a pillar, one feels the trunk and thinks it’s a snake, etc.

They all are accurate in their assessment of what they physically feel, and draw completely reasonable conclusions.

But they are all wrong.

It’s an elephant.

The Lamanites surrounding Limhi’s people had sworn an oath to not attack.
But then some of the Lamanites’ daughters were taken.

The people of Limhi had caused them trouble before. They weren’t happy in their current situation and didn’t like how much they were taxed.

So clearly, Limhi’s people were to blame for this horrendous crime.

The Lamanites went to battle to get their daughters back and show that they wouldn’t stand for this evil.

They fought like lions.

But they were wrong.

This is an essential lesson to learn here on earth:

While we do our best to draw accurate conclusions each day, there are many times when we are very wrong.

Your ministering sister who didn’t reach out to you when you were struggling has been dealing with anxiety and couldn’t find the mental energy to do anything.

Your Bishop who completely ignored you had just received some concerning news and was just trying to get through the meeting.

Your husband who didn’t load the dishwasher the correct way doesn’t know what your version of “correct” means.

We do our best to create the truth of what’s happening around us, but at the end of the day, we are often wrong in our assumptions of other people.

And other people are wrong about us.

Happiness and peace are found in letting go of the frustrating stories we tell ourselves when we don’t actually know the whole truth.

Happiness and peace are found when we let our anger go, and humble ourselves before Christ.

Happy Studying!

-Cali Black

The post Assumptions first appeared on Come Follow Me Study with Cali Black.

How does this emotion play a role in your life?

Pres Uchtdorf taught:

“When someone opposes or disagrees with us, it’s tempting to assume that there must be something wrong with them. And from there it’s a small step to attach the worst of motives to their words and actions…

“When we do so with anger or hate in our hearts—when we lash out at others to hurt, shame, or silence them—chances are we are not doing so in righteousness.”

In Nephi’s record, he refers to ANGER quite often.

Usually, his brothers are angry at Nephi for their circumstances.

Other times, his brothers are angry because they have been rebuked.

And yet, even when Nephi was tied up and in dire situations, he never felt anger toward his brothers.

Do we attach “good intentions” to our actions while automatically assuming everyone else who disagrees with us is motivated by hate or selfishness?

That’s what brews anger.

Or do we recognize that our own discipleship has pretty much nothing to do with the actions of people around us – that we have been commanded to love our enemies?

In Nephi’s tender lamentation, he mourns that he feels anger because of Satan’s hold in his life.

Anger at ourselves for our sins is a fruitless endeavor, too.

We can’t hate ourselves into righteousness, and Nephi recognized his own tendencies to feel anger because of his sins and temptations.

Nephi knew that eliminating anger in his life meant always showing love to his brothers, but also finding peace within his own mind.

Love for our enemies, and love for ourselves.

Happy Studying!

-Cali Black

The post Angry at ourselves? first appeared on Come Follow Me Study with Cali Black.