I’ve been seeing A LOT of people talking online recently about the dangers of toxic positivity.
And I love it.
In case you aren’t familiar, “toxic positivity” is when people respond to other people’s trials or suffering with unhelpful statements like:
“Just think positive! It’ll all be fine!”
“So many people are worse off than you. You’ll be okay!”
“Life is easier when you just stay happy all the time!”
In other words, telling someone to “stay positive” while invalidating or ignoring the tough parts of life.
I totally used to be a “toxic positivity” person with fantastic motivations who just wanted everyone to be happy.
And then I learned after going through my own trials that all I really wanted was people who would listen to me and mourn with me and comfort me in real, connecting ways.
Because, life is not always happy.
I think of prophets in every book of scripture, feeling great anxiety and sadness.
I think of our Savior who stopped to help and comfort and mourn. He wept out of compassion, even when He knew things were about to get a whole lot better.
So when the Lord teaches us in D&C 29:5 to:
“Lift up your hearts and be glad”,
… how are we supposed to pull that off in an authentic way?
When life is sad and unfair and heartbreaking, how do we feel true gladness without forcing ourselves to just “be positive”?
I don’t know that I have the perfect answer, but I do have one.
I can think about my Savior.
I can think about my Savior and what He has done for me, personally. His sacrifice, His love, His atonement, His death, and His resurrection.
And when I focus on the hope and peace that He gives to me, I feel gladness AND sadness.
He doesn’t take away all the hurt (most of the time).
But He gives me strength to bear it and the peace to not feel quite as worried.
No forced positivity. No brushing aside.
But instead, realizing that I can feel both.
I can feel whatever emotions I need to feel as I go through something tough.
AND I can lift up my heart and be glad for what my Savior has done and will do for me.
Happy Studying!
-Cali Black
3 Responses
The Emotional Resilience course offered through the Church (Finding Strength in the Lord) has excellent information in lesson 9 about appropriate responses in the “Learn” part of that unit, especially section #3.
Oh good to know, thanks for sharing!
Would love to share ,cali black , come follow me