Unexplainable pondering

I had a huge concern that would not leave my mind recently.

Every time I would think about it, I would get panicky or sad or frustrated.

So I just tried not to think about it.

I kept pushing it down.

But it kept bubbling up and making me frustrated and overwhelmed all over again at very inconvenient times.

I was on edge.

And I didn’t have any time to deal with it.

Then one night, I couldn’t sleep.

I was feeling in a real funk, so I decided to pull up the scriptures on my phone and start reading a bit.

I honestly could not even tell you which book of scripture I pulled up.

Because as my eyes scanned the words and my finger scrolled, my mind wandered.

It wandered back to my big concern.

But this time, it felt different.

I gave myself permission to just think about it.

I thought about my concerns in detail, I cried over what I was sad about, I logically thought through different options and paths forward.

I formally addressed Heavenly Father every once in a while, but my mind just kept going for the most part.

I just… pondered.

And then I fell asleep.

And the next morning, I felt so… calm.

So content. So peaceful. Even, happy.

It didn’t make sense though.

The concern was technically still there.

I didn’t have a clear answer, an obvious path forward, an elimination of every tough part.

But I truly, deep down, felt content.

“Pondering often precedes contentment.” —Neal A. Maxwell

I believe that with all my heart.

It’s something I can’t really explain very well. It probably doesn’t make sense to the rest of the world.

“Mary kept all these things, and pondered them in her heart.” (Luke 2:19)

Pondering.

Without distraction, in communion with God, inviting the Spirit…

It is powerful.

And pondering has changed my life.

Happy Studying!

-Cali Black